Thirteen Ways to Spot a Midwesterner on the Hill

It’s no secret that Colorado gets flooded with tourists during the winter season. That being said, every type of tourist is unique in his or her own way. Often times, it’s easy to tell where someone is from just by how they’re acting on the slopes. Here’s our tell-tale list for spotting someone in your favorite ski town that’s from good ‘ole Midwest America.

1. They’re shocked that vertical feet measurements are in the 1000s, not 100s.

Coming from the Midwest, these skiers are used to ski hills boasting 300 foot vert, not 3,000. The first time they sit down on a lift and head to the top of the mountain, they’ll be in awe. If you’ve ever wondered where the term “gaper” comes from, this gaping mouth might be the reason.

2. They’re wearing gear from their last ski trip in the early 2000s.

We get it, you’re not at the slopes often so why spend money on new ski gear. There’s nothing wrong with being resourceful, just realize it’ll make you stick out like a sore thumb.

3. They’ve got those same old rental skis everyone else has.

Bland multicolored top, bland shape, mediocre fit...all rentals really are the same. Next time, try upgrading to the demo gear and sample something really awesome for not that much more money.

4. They’re wiping out in any powder deeper than 2 inches.

Powder can be tricky. If you’re not used to it, it can hit you like a brick wall. Unfortunately, most Midwest skiers consider any powder at all a powder day, meaning that while powder is something many skiers look forward too, real mountain powder can ruin their day.

5. They’re falling off the barstool after one beer.

If you’re coming from sea level and landing in the mountains, you’re going to feel the effects of altitude. This means that any booze will hit you much harder. Few things can be as strong of indicator that a flatlander is on the slopes than someone getting overly drunk at the ski slope bar mid day.

6. They hit the trick park but don’t hit any features.

There’s nothing more annoying than when you’re trying to hit a trick line only to realize a beginner has somehow made it into your path. If you ain’t doing tricks, get out da park!

7. They can’t stop talking about how they crushed that blue run.

Great job on that blue! To you and the other 500 people making the bottom runs super crowded. If it’s your first time crushing a blue and you’re improving, seriously, good job. It’s the only way to get better. That being said, there’s no reason to brag about it to bartenders all night long.

8. Their turns are so wide they might run out of mountain.

Taking wide turns is one of the ways beginners can learn to control their speed. This is an important skill to have. It’s still a pretty easy tell that you’re an out-of-towner.

9. They keep mentioning how much worse the weather is back home.

Most people are shocked that mountain weather in Colorado is actually pretty tolerable. Even on cold days, there’s a warm place to be found as long as the sun's out. What’d you expect? A blizzard on tundra? The relatively mild weather is just one of many reasons many people consider this state the best of them all.

10. They spend more time snapping selfies than actually skiing.

Take one and move along. No one will want to look at 100 close ups of your face when you’re telling your friends back home how awesome your trip to Colorado was.

11. They’re done after 3 runs that take an hour and a half each.

Again, you can blame the altitude for this one. It’s harder to breath in the thin air of Colorado than it is in the Midwest, especially when you’re doing something active. Just take a little rest, drink some water, eat some food...you’ll be feeling much better.

12. They can’t quite figure out how to hold their skis properly.

Holding your skis without whacking everyone around you is definitely an acquired skill. If you’re not used to it, it can be pretty difficult. Easiest fix - just toss them over your shoulder.

13. They’re complaining about how expensive ski hill cafe food is.

Obviously the food at the base of the slope is going to be expensive. It probably won’t be that special either. You’re better off hitting a nearby bar or finding something in town.